Sunday, March 30, 2008

through a child's eyes #19

Jason's agent tapped his pen on the table impatiently. He was scheduled to represent Alfonzo the Squirrel at a commercial audition later that day, and this meeting was already twenty minutes late in starting.
When the leader of the Bat Wings finally entered the room and sat down, Jason's agent began. "I want to formally thank the prestigious Senseis of the Bat Wing Ninjitsu Clan and the Tiger Claw Shadow Academy for joining us here today. My client has narrowed his interests down to your two assassination leagues, and is prepared to..."
"Enough talk. The Tiger Claws will give you room and board, state of the art weaponry, and a 'per kill' commission." Eleven-year-old clan leaders are notorious for being down to business.
"State of the art weaponry?! Let me show you what's standard issue for all Bat Wing members..." The boy pulled a jagged piece of scrap metal from the folds of his clothing and placed it on the table. ".. here's the usual ninja star.. a blowgun... these are smoke capsules..."
Jason spoke up. "Holy shit! Do those actually work?!"
"Well, they're just filled with powdered sugar, so.. no. If you really need to make an unseen escape, it's usually best to just kill everyone." The whole room nodded to acknowledge the wisdom of his words.
The other boy angrily broke in. "The Tiger Claws control the whole region of Atlantica."
Instinctually adjusting his tie, Jason's agent tried to adapt to the meeting's unusual flow. "Atlantica?"
"It's everything between 9th and 11th streets, as far west as the Taco Bell." The boy beamed with pride.
The Bat Wing leader wore a smug smile so stealthily that nobody saw it. "With us, you could have opportunities that go beyond killing. Perhaps you recognize me from the romantic sports comedy 'Love Rebounds'? I played Youthful Assassin Number Two."
Jason's agent restrained himself from accepting right then and there - he had been dying to represent film stars for years.
"Enough!" The Tiger Claw leader hit the table with his fist. "Timmy, get in here!"
Dressed in the full splendor of his ceremonial garb, a five-year-old boy entered the room.
The Bat Wing leader was outraged. "This is highly irregular!"
The other leader smirked. "This could be you Jason. Except your belt would be green, not yellow."
Sensing his client's approval, Jason's agent probed. "I see that the headband pictures an orange dog..."
Timmy yelled with clenched fists, "It's a tiger, 'cause we're ferocious!!"
The leader of the Tiger Claws smiled at his rival as he issued his killing blow. "Also, you should know that we have cable."
"My client will need his own T.V..."
"That's fine. We'll kill Timmy - you can have his."
In a desperate attempt to prove his worth, Timmy scratched at the air with precision and fervor, but his leader's mind wasn't changed. There was a lot of paperwork involved with the re-allocation of property, so assassination was the standard method for revoking one's T.V. privileges.