calling it quits?

So I was participating with a meditational group, and last night may have been my last session. It was free, but it's now transitioning to its next 'phase', which involves a monthly fee. I was never terribly impressed with the group, but it was free, and gave me the right to say, "Sorry, I can't make it. I have an appointment on Wednesday night." Now, I'll potentially revert back to: "I think I can pencil that in, however I do need six minutes set aside every day for brushing my teeth."

The chick that runs the meditation is big on using spirituality to advance one's career (that motive seems to slip into everything in New York). Basically, it's a templated spirituality, allowing others to experience the exact same things that she has, for the exact same reasons - sort of a walk-through diary. I'm learning a lot about being an empowered (wo)man in a man's world through focusing on chakras while listening to techno music; perhaps this isn't the best group for me.

There aren't any real explanations given for the spiritual theories - just your usual obscure terminology (she throws in impressive Indian words at times too) describing experiencing higher planes of light. This is a very popular concept in American spirituality these days; it has very old roots, but I'm not sure that it's being interpreted correctly. The idea is that all existence is composed of light, which they associate with speed (thanks a lot, Einstein). All form = light = infinite speed; what the hell is all this other shit?.... oh, that's 'slow' light. You see, light moves at infinite velocities (and is that velocity, depending on who's explaining this), but somehow can slow down (thus moving at finite velocities), causing it to become darker. Darkness is the exact opposite of light, but is composed of light, but really it doesn't exist because light is so damned fast! So what is physical matter?-very course (dark) light. Get it? Well you will if you stop trying to make sense of it, or even better, stop reasoning altogether. People who explain things in terms of vibrations are saying the exact same thing, just in dumbed-down terminology.

This contradictory theory is like saying that God is good and was all that existed, but part of his goodness became evil of its own volition. Therefore, a singular set existed (goodness), but a subset of that (a part of goodness) managed to exclude itself from the original set (becoming evil!) without any external factors coming into play:
"It was good, but then it became evil."
"So what caused it?"
"The evil part did."
"But it was good at the time, and I thought that goodness didn't create evil..."
"Well, it was such an evil thing for something good to do, that it became evil!"
"Uhh...."
But even so, God caused all creation, but didn't create evil; "I pulled the trigger, but I didn't kill him, the gun did!" (thanks a lot, founding Christian theologians).

The thing that I did get out of the group related to my career, rather than spirituality (perhaps she should move over to career counseling). She made us decide specifics about what we want in our careers (and I'll of course have to apply this to my musical career as well), which is something I had been avoiding on all fronts for years. I love the poetic notion of letting fate choose my course, but I guess manhandling fate every now and then wouldn't be such a bad thing.

I still haven't decided one way or the other though. I'm always optimistic about being a part of something, even though I'm never fulfilled by the thing I become a part of. I'm the type of person that can be loneliest around friends. We'll see though... I have a few days to decide before mailing off my 'application' for the next part (yeah... that MBA of hers might be causing her to overdo it a bit), although it's getting so cold that going outside might be too much of a sacrifice.