Sunday, March 20, 2005

subway adventure

After work on Friday, I was on the subway, on my way to have dinner with an old friend. We don't see each other that often, but used to hang out a lot and did a number of gigs together, when we both lived in New Orleans. I was coming straight from work, but it was a Friday, so I was in jeans.

Out of nowhere, came an old lady who looked to be in her nineties. There's a special bench for people with special needs, which is akin to handicap parking, but the open spot next to me was closer to the door that she came in through. She was really slow, and it was clear that she wanted to sit somewhere fast, before the subway started to move.

As she sat down, I quickly looked at her ass, to see if it was wet. It looked a little damp, but it may have been a shadow. It didn't look drippy wet or anything, but I only got a quick glance.

I lasted about three seconds before I put my hand on the bench between us. She was probably too old to notice, and others probably thought that I was hoping to brush my hand up against her wrinkled ass, but really, I just wanted my hand to intercept any puddles of urine coming my way. Getting piss on my hand would be fucking disgusting, but it'd be an easier situation to deal with than getting her piss in my jeans.

I couldn't handle the anticipation for long. At the next stop, I got up and stood by the door that I'd eventually use to exit the subway car. People rush over to the exits long before it's necessary all the time, so I just looked like another New York moron who can't fucking sit still. This was a strategic maneuver intended to spare the old lady's feelings, but also to save me from getting her piss all over me.

I mentioned the situation to my friend when I met up with her a few minutes later. I told her that I believed it to have been caused by a purely rational fear. I think she agreed... she fucking better have.