defining this thing

I don't get too much feedback on this site, but it's my sovereign duty to at least guess at what my readers are thinking. Today I'm going to work on some philosophy and do some meditation, and later on, I have a date. You don't get to hear about any of those things... why?... because as much as I share on here, the fact is that I'm still only sharing certain aspects of my life and mind. My guess is that someone who reads my blog would think that I'm laying it all out, because it's clear that everything that I'm saying has been obsessed over... keep in mind, people... I think ALL day long... if this was as much as I was able to come up with in a day, I'd have to switch to a much more external hobby.

I do this with everyone and everything.... you only get to see me through a pre-defined window. Every word that comes out of my mouth passes through the custom designed filter that I built just for you. I don't make mistakes with that shit... if I said too much, it was intentional. I tend to say less, rather than more.

So what exactly am I sharing with you guys? I wanted to give it a chance to develop before I locked it in stone with a definition, but I seem to be sharing some of my purely psychological introspections, and I'm also sharing my little 'twist' on the way that I see the world. To a great extent, one crosses into the other... my most 'light' and humorous articles are usually drawn out expressions of my anxieties and fears. When I'm writing something that shows the perspective of another person or a foreign scene, I'm exploring that situation for myself... allowing myself to experience it directly, so that I can grow from it; I experience very little in life, so I make up for that by forcing my imagination into such experiences. All of these things can be grouped into one single category... I'm expressing my exploration of myself.

This of course, isn't anything new, but it's newly being shared to a degree that it never was before. I'm not being put on the spot... I'm not having to speak in terms of your prior understandings... I'm just sitting alone by myself, writing. I'm not reading your facial expressions, worrying that I've wounded you with something I've said, thus forcing me to drop the topic, and I'm not trying to aim shit into a direction that would most benefit you... I'm just doing this for myself. People have always wondered why I don't share shit with them... they wonder why I'm so selfish as to keep it to myself; if it's anything, it's that I'm too selfless... I don't want to impose this information upon you. Now, you can take it or leave it, and you get to remain anonymous if you so choose. Maybe you'll see something in my words that you do or don't relate to, and maybe because of that, you'll grow... that doesn't matter to me. I mean, I'd love to think that you're growing from every fucking word that I toss out, but I don't have to sit there, judging your progress. I get to write some shit every day, and let you do whatever you want with that information.

Now, when I say that I'm expressing my exploration of myself, I mean that I'm doing so without any true context. For example, when I work on philosophy later today, I'll be exploring my theories on 'what' the universe is... I'll be exploring what it means to be me in terms of that, but that's not really about me. Anything overly spiritual or philosophical tends to be about those things, and my interpretation of myself is just a means to a greater end. Of course, my findings will directly affect my regular introspections, as they'll directly alter the way that I interpret all of existence (and thus my own existence as well), but like I said... it's a whole different area of study.

So, off I now go to take a shower, to begin the day's events that will never reach the page. Will you get to hear about today's events?... hopefully something will inspire me into a new revelation about myself, so sure, but don't expect a direct accounting or anything. You have to pay me to hear that shit.