Sunday, January 02, 2005

a new year's love connection

Late yesterday afternoon, I went to a park to work on some philosophy. There's a little area that I sometimes visit that has about twenty benches laid out in a semicircle around a few large trees... this time, all but one of the benches were occupied. As I sat in my designated seat, I noticed a cute chick sitting on the bench to my left. She noticed me too, but we both decided to play it cool.

I'm horrible at determining a person's age, but I guessed that she was in her very early twenties. She seemed a little young, but my judgement tends to be faulty. It was a half-strike against her though, meaning that I wasn't opposed to anything happening, but she'd have to initiate the conversation. I could tell that she wanted to - she kept glancing over, but was trying to seem disinterested. Seeming interested without seeming needy is fine, as long as you eventually fold and break the ice.

I was working on spatial theory, in particular, a very crucial concept that I was having difficulty in clearly proving or disproving. Between solving that puzzle and my cute neighbor's conflicting actions, I had just enough going on to be thoroughly entertained. I wasn't sure if she was going to end up saying anything or not, but I was making progress with my philosophy, so either way, the day would be productive.

That's when Pearl showed up; Pearl also had a noticeable interest in me. Pearl was an Asian male, dressed in jeans decorated with a pattern of pink and yellow flowers. His tight black shirt exposed his midriff, and complimented his lipstick nicely. Pearl sat on my bench to the right of me, and also kept glancing over. He was making smalltalk with some strangers to his right (they wanted to know if he made his pants himself), but he made it obvious that he wanted to talk to me.

This was making things a little harder for the cute girl to my left. To make matters worse, to avoid Pearl's attention, I was forced to focus more intently on the philosophy notes that I was writing. Pearl was throwing his charm around, but the girl played her game the same. What a trooper.

In came Helen. It was hard to miss Helen, but I don't think that she noticed me right away. Helen was a thin woman in her seventies (I'm bad with ages, but she was definitely old), wearing feathery angel wings and playing an accordion. It turned out that Pearl was actually there waiting for her. Our eyes met, but I later heard her mention that she wasn't able to see too well without her glasses... so I'm not sure if it really counts. I don't think that the cute girl to my left was bothered by Helen's presence (as she clearly was by Pearl's presence), but Helen was certainly an unnecessary distraction.

Pearl hollered and ran off to hug Helen, which brought a little relief to the cute chick, but things quickly got worse. It turned out that Pearl likes to dance to Helen's music, and did so at Helen's request. Pearl was twirling around and giggling, and made sure to spend most of his time dancing two feet in front of me. I had a feeling that a love connection was still going to magically come about, but at this point, I was starting to question if the girl to my left would have a chance to make it happen. I apologized to Pearl silently, "I'm sorry, man... it doesn't matter how far you're able to tuck that sucker back... the fact that it's there is a deal-breaker." Helen noticed the attention that Pearl was giving me, and also chose to be near me as she played her accordion. Love was in the air, and Cupid seemed to have his eye on me.

That's when I first noticed Earl. Earl was another gay man, also feminine in the way he presented himself, but he didn't stand out in a crowd. It turned out that Earl was a friend of Helen's, and had shown up with her; sorry to say this, Earl, but when you enter a scene with Helen, Helen's the only one that anyone is going to see. I didn't notice Earl soon enough to see if he had also taken an interest in me, but he did decide to sit next to me, in the seat that Pearl had vacated to dance for me. I'm not used to having too much attention... and the situation was becoming overwhelming. I couldn't handle looking up from my notes, so I wasn't sure if Earl was also playing the glancing game, but I could see him out of the corner of my eye, and I could hear his giggling occasionally over the accordion music.

Eventually, Pearl danced for the crowd, instead of just for me, and Helen followed suit. The cute girl was still playing her game, but I think that she found the situation somewhat overwhelming as well; I was less expecting of her to take initiative. I was never able to verify Earl's interest, as by this point, I had learned not to make eye contact. I still had a feeling though, that a love connection was going to develop, but I was just hoping that fate wouldn't pair me up with a man or someone who was too old to properly wipe herself. The cute girl was still glancing over, but I wondered if she had lost any built-up nerve to finally open her mouth.

After a while, it finally happened. Helen was done playing for the day, and was heading back to her 'immortal realm'... I didn't know what the hell that was supposed to mean, but she was leaving; Earl was going with her. At this point, Pearl had taken the hint that I wasn't interested, and decided to follow Helen out of the park. Things were starting to again look good for the cute girl and me; she started putting more effort into seeming simultaneously interested and disinterested. On their way out of the park, I heard Helen introduce Earl to Pearl, and they seemed to hit it off. I'm assuming that they lived happily ever after, and I'm never going outside again. The End.