Wednesday, January 26, 2005

thanks are in order

The following clip is from a spam email that I received from my father... the '2004 Darwin Awards':

Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 am.

Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say," said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.

I've had a pretty negative attitude toward Christian Americans so far on this thing, but let's face it... a miracle is a miracle. Our now-limping friend said it best... "there's just no other explanation". I sometimes get down on religious experts who seem to know nothing about the faith that they lord over others, but to be fair to them, they're always steadfast in their faith on the morning after. I once had a Christian friend who would joke about stealing cars to later repent, because it would 'improve his testimony'... he was joking, but maybe he was on to something. Maybe spiritual perfection isn't something to be attained, but it's something inherent in all humans. When I say this, I of course mean that it's only inherent to all humans that share your perfect views... everyone else should be nuked.

When I think of the possibility of a good little drunk Christian boy losing his life to a twist of fate that was unfairly brought on by his lack of forethought, I shiver slightly. Please God, don't let it happen to him... let it happen to someone who deserves it. Little stories like this renew my faith in humans and their sense of purpose... and the sense of purpose that they bestow upon their deities. Let's all just take a moment to thank the good Lord for the second chance that he gave to Kerry Bingham... Kerry's going to get a chance to hobble around the bar, telling the great story about the day that God saved his life. Why is it that after an experience like this, nobody contemplates for a moment and says, "Holy shit... I'm a fucking moron, and God wanted to teach me a lesson; I was lucky that bastard only took my foot." Kerry, in your prayers tonight, be sure to thank Jesus that I'm not your god nor your savior fisherman... I'd have let your crippled ass drown.