Monday, April 18, 2005

test results

The man sat in the small room, nervously awaiting the news. The two hour wait in the lobby only added to his anticipation. By now, the feeling was very real.

He jumped slightly when a woman entered the room, but it was only a nurse. She sauntered in, staring down at the clipboard in her hand. "Mr. Gray?"
"And why are you here today?"
"Just getting my test results."
She continued to look at his file and said, "And who's your doctor?"
"I don't know."
Rather than staring mindlessly at his chart, she decided to actually read it. "Oh, Dr. Rice is your doctor."

He was only alone in the room for another few minutes before Dr. Rice came through the door.
She closed the door behind her while reviewing his file.
"Everything looks okay. No HIV either."
The man sighed with relief. "That was easy."
"You looked a little pale - do you feel better now?"
"Yeah, I guess I was just nervous."
"Everything's fine - you have nothing to worry about."
"I'm glad... I do feel better."

She smiled and studied him, making sure that he was okay.
"Alright, now that you're more calm, I have something to tell you."
With a newfound sense of ease, he confidently looked at her and said, "Oh, what's that?"
"You have a shitload of STDs, most of which are incurable."
"But you just said that..."
"I know, I find the news to be easier to break this way... you'll be fine, just never have sex again."
"You know what... I really do feel okay about this... that false hope shit really takes the edge off!"
She smiled and said, "Yip, it's my favorite way to tell people horrible things."

The man was in the middle of making love to her when she said, "Hey! What did I tell you?"
"Oh yeah - no sex. Shit."