Well, it finally happened. I'm not sure if I'm some sort of prophet or anything, but I saw a great deal of people walking around with strange markings on their foreheads yesterday. Can other people see this? Have my eyes been blessed, or perhaps cursed? Why isn't anyone freaking out but me?
Revelation 13:16 - "(Blah blah blah, end of the world, beast of the earth, beast of the sea, bad things, blah blah....) Also it (one of those beasties) causes all (human sheepies), both small (you) and great (me), both rich (me) and poor (you), both free (Iraqis) and slave (anyone that we haven't nuked yet), to be marked on the right hand or the forehead..."
Never before did I heed these words, but now.... now as I see the mark of the beast on the foreheads of my co-workers, I heed. I'm heeding, damn you! I swear to god, I'm always the last to know... I really need to get a TV... I'm so out of the loop. Why didn't anyone tell me about this ahead of time? All of these people have these cool marks of the beast... where do I get one?
Revelation 13:17 - "...so that no one can buy or sell unless he has the mark..."
I didn't buy any food ahead of time... I didn't pack a damned lunch. I was planning on grabbing some Chicken Lo Mein, but now I'm fucked.
"Do you guys take cash?"
"No, not anymore."
"Nope, just marks of the beast... you don't have one?"
"No... I'm evil as fuck though... I'm sure it was just an oversight... can I just pay you later?"
"Nope, sorry... read the sign, Pal. 'No shirt, no shoes, no mark of the beast, no service'."
I really wanted some Chicken Lo Mein, so I started inquiring as to where to get one of these things. It turns out that only the Catholics had them... I fucking should have known. Centuries of murder, oppression, economic and political corruption, celibacy, and molesting of young boys.... that's a pretty sweet religion of vile evil if you ask me. Of course they're going to be the first ones to get these cool little marks... those 'beast' guys know what's up... the cool kids always get first dibs on the Lo Mein.
There's a DMV right by work... I'll bet that I can get my forehead stamped there, but those long lines... Fuck.