Saturday, February 19, 2005

watch out, ladies

I finally joined the gym across the street. My body's going through the initial shock of adjusting to its new workout routine, but that soon will fade, giving way to a very healthy and vibrant feeling. I'm going to bulk up like crazy to compensate for my dick size.

I'm White, and although Caucasians are known for having smaller dicks than some other races, our dicks are still too big. This is why a lot of White guys get into heavy weight lifting, while Asians rarely do - Whites have something to make up for. No girl in her right mind wants a guy with a big dick.

Am I married?... nope. A girlfriend at least?... nope. You see, when I'm naked, chicks say, "Eww, your dick's so... normal." It's a big turnoff. All of these huge guys in the gym get laid all the time, because their large bodies make their dicks look much smaller. It's an optical illusion, but it's very important to women.

My arms are small. I'm guessing that if you took six to eight of my dicks, and bound them up into a nice bouquet, it would equal the thickness of my upper arm... yes, when flexing. Let's be generous, and say that I have a 1/8 arm to dick ratio. I saw a guy today, whose arm was twice as thick as mine... that makes his dick look at least twice as small when he's naked - that lucky bastard. He deserves to get all the ass though... he worked hard to make his dick look that small.

Doing steroids drastically increases the rate of muscle growth. A second reason to do steroids is that they shrink your dick. That's attacking the problem from both sides! The entire steroid-pumping lifestyle revolves around making your dick look smaller and smaller, so that you get more and more chicks.

That's going to be me. I'm going to bang the shit out of teens and housewives that I meet in the grocery store. You won't be able to miss me as my hulking body lumbers down the isle. I'll be so buff that I won't even use a shopping cart - I'll carry a basket.

Your pathetic ass will try to flirt with the chick at the cash register, but she won't even notice you when I'm around. I'll be there every day, buying a gallon of milk, my favorite weight-gainer mix, and a bag of baby carrots. The chicks will fucking love it... they know exactly what that baby carrot shit means.