Wednesday, March 30, 2005

through a child's eyes

Jason was seven years old, and had already developed a healthy hatred of his parents. "They used to be the shit," he would say, "until I started going to kindergarten - that's when they became total assholes."

"What was that, young man?!"
"I said you and Dad are assholes."
"Go wash up and get ready for dinner."
What a bitch.

Jason, do this. Jason, do that. "Why don't you get off my fucking back and do it yourself?" They never listened to reason.
"You just wait until your father gets home!"
"Fuck," he'd reply, before defiantly stomping down the hall to make his bed.

"Alright, class... I want you to think about what you want to be when you grow up. Okay, Jason, let's hear you first."
"I want to be a sniper, so I can kill my parents." The boy had an active imagination - most children want to be assassins, but he knew exactly what kind he'd be.
"A sniper, eh?" she asked with an encouraging smile on her face.
"Yeah, a close-range sniper! I want to see that bitch go down with my own eyes.... fuck looking through a scope!"
"Well, why not use a knife or sword?"
"What do I look like, some kind of pussy?"
Nobody noticed Michael's nervous reaction; his answer of 'sword ninja' would have to be rethought.

Jason was watching cartoons, with the volume turned up to overpower his mother's nagging. That's when he first noticed a man dressed in black, trying to sneak in through the back door. "Shit, a close-range sniper!"
It was foolish of him to yell that out, because it alerted the sniper to his failed attempt at stealth. The sniper quickened his pace to try to get to Jason's mother before the boy could warn her.
"She's mine, asshole... go snipe out someone else!"
The sniper was racing Jason down the hall, when Jason's mom yelled out, "No running in the house!" They both stopped.
"Fuck it, take that bitch out."
"Thanks, kid."