Tuesday, May 03, 2005

through a child's eyes #5

Before the days of guns and silencers, would-be close-range snipers threw rocks.

Young Jesus of Nazareth approached the other boys. "What are you guys doing?"
Michael answered, "You see that big rock over there? If you hit it with one of these small rocks, you get a point."
Jason added, "We're practicing our skills!"
Knowing that Jason throws rocks at people when they say things that sound stupid, Jesus was careful with his words. "Why's my cousin, John, sleeping by the big rock?"
Jason answered, "He was over there looking for bugs to eat. He said you can live off that shit, so I sniped him."
Jesus gasped in horror.
"Oh shit," said Jason, "I should tell you - if you accidentally hit him when you're aiming for the big rock, you lose two points."
Jesus couldn't believe that they were just leaving him out there like that. "I'm going to tell you guys a story."
Michael nodded at Jesus, while Jason continued sniping the big rock.

Jesus began, "Alright... say there's some guy who's hurt pretty bad, and needs help..."
"Wait... why's he hurt?" Jason interrupted.
"Uhh... let's say that he was talking about eating bugs, so you threw a rock at him."
"Okay.. that makes sense." Jason went back to his target practice.
Jesus went on, "So this guy's hurt, and a priest walks by him, not even thinking to help him. Then a Levite walks by, and doesn't want to help him either."
Michael said, "Okay."
Knowing that they were listening, Jesus smiled and continued, "And then this Samaritan comes by, sees him, and decides to help..." A rock struck Jesus in the arm. "Owww!!! Why'd you do that?!"
Jason answered, "Samaritans are half-Jews... they wouldn't help that guy!"
Jesus rubbed his arm and said, "Yeah, I know.. that's the point... he was better than the Jews who left the guy in the street; he was a 'good' Samaritan." A rock whizzed by Jesus' ear, barely missing him.
"A good Samaritan?! You fucking moron!" Jason laughed with glee, preparing another rock, hoping that Jesus would say something to earn the snipe.
"Quit doing that, Jason!! It makes me really mad when I get mad!"
Michael giggled, knowing that Jesus' utterance deserved a snipe, and laughed out loud when the rock ended up hitting him square in the stomach.
Jesus wept.
Jason said in between laughs, "Stop talking, Jesus... my arm's getting tired."
Jesus silently stormed off. His repressed anger caused him to have a tantrum in the temple later that day, overthrowing the tables of some money-changers; it made quite a mess.

Years later, when Jesus' cult was growing in number, a woman was brought into the street to be stoned for adultery.
Jesus spread his arms out and yelled to the crowd, "Let he who is free of sin throw the first stone!"
The woman was touched by Jesus' sympathy, but was also shamed by her actions. "No Jesus, let them kill me... I deserve to die." A rock struck her in the side of the head.
"Jason!!! You're not free of sin... why did you throw that rock?!?!?" Jesus looked like he was about to throw another tantrum.
Jason replied, "Huh? Oh..... no.. I sniped that dumbass because you were trying to save her, and she said that she should die... stupidest thing I've ever heard. Totally separate issue, I swear."
Jesus shook a fist at Jason. "I swear to God, Jason... one of these days, I'm going to have your dad killed right before he takes you for ice cream!" A rock struck Jesus in the leg.
"What the hell is 'ice cream', you weirdo?" Jason shook his head, and let out a smiling sigh. That Jesus.. he'll never learn.