Friday, July 29, 2005


I'm gone to Italy for two weeks... my life sucks. I hope you all die in my absence.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

dogs and erections

So, I was taking a piss tonight in a wine bar, when I noticed that right above the toilet was a picture of a dog on two hind-legs. It was an artsy photograph, and it looked like the dog was howling or something, but since the dog was standing completely upright, and it was a male dog, I could see what was left of its genetilia. You see, the dog appeared to have been neutered, however, I could see the bulge of its flaccid penis sticking out from its hairy pelvic region. I know that it's only arousing to see a dog when it too is aroused, but none the less, I was taken aback and turned on, and began to gain an erection of my own. Naturally, this made the rest of the urination process difficult, as my dick wasn't necessarily cooperating, but I did my best to carry on, pissing as normal. My urine is of course now covering the seat of the toilet, which I'm sure is welcome to every chick that saw me before I sprayed it, but to those others.... rest assured, I'm moderately good looking.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

through a child's eyes #15

Richie went on, "It's true, I swear!"
Jason couldn't believe it. "There's no fucking way that this butter is hand-churned."
"I don't know where you used to go to school, but this cafeteria has the best butter ever!" Erik spread some butter over a piece of toast, clenching his teeth to keep from laughing.
Becoming more serious, Richie leapt to his feet, knocking his chair over in the process. "Go see for yourself, Jason! They make it right there in the kitchen; I never lie."

Jason emerged from the kitchen with tears streaming down his face.
Erik was the first to point and laugh, and within seconds, the rest of the children had joined in.
"No school cafeterias hand-churn their butter, Stupid!" Richie had known all along.
Feeling the sting of defeat, Jason looked at the butter he'd snatched from the kitchen - frozen and pre-packaged. In a fit of rage, he threw the butter at Richie and screamed, "This cafeteria sucks!!!"

A few weeks later, Jason was allowed to leave class to visit Richie in the hospital.
Jason's jaw dropped when he entered the room. "Holy shit, you have your own T.V.?"
"Yeah," Richie said happily. "I get to lay here and watch cartoons all day long!"
"You don't have to do school crap at all?!"
"Nope! Both my legs and one of my arms are paralyzed... they say that I no longer have any potential worth nourishing."
Stomping his foot, Jason said, "You lucky asshole!"
"You did me a big favor by bruising my spine!" Richie cackled victoriously. "And the best part... because I'm an orphan, if I die, nobody will even notice! I'll never have to amount to anything!!!"
The fact that Richie was living like a king infuriated Jason. Grabbing a handful of butter from a bowl on the table, he attempted a more lethal snipe.
Richie laughed as the butter splattered against his skin. "That's hand-churned, Jason... way too soft for throwing. I don't use that shitty cafeteria butter anymore."

Jason's head was drooped over as he made his way back to school. "Only the lucky kids get paralyzed."

Sunday, July 24, 2005

today's hell

This is my custom electric guitar. I went a little nuts with the wiring design, and now have to somehow get this mess to fit into that little cavity.

Friday, July 22, 2005


Slip into a new form of obscurity. These are imaginings; these are the splotches of color that give life its beauty. Vague in description, themes that hint at a reality, but remain so removed from it.

Hope comes in the form of possibility - questioning, rather than knowing... smoothly drawn lines that neglect their details. The appealing faces of religions that downplay their contradictions. The beautiful woman walking by, who wonders if you'll ever see her as anything more. The dreams you chase but never seem to grasp. The nature of all things, that the closer you look, and the more that becomes yours, the less it manages to draw you.

The wise eye sees a gray world; the hopeful eye knows better than to look too closely.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

through a child's eyes #14

Mrs. Hawkins happened to be walking down the hall as the boy lunged at Jason with his knife. Quickly stepping back to maintain his distance, Jason threw his knife at the boy, who immediately fell to the floor. Mrs. Hawkins ran up, "Why aren't you two in class?!"
Jason answered first. "This asshole called me a jerk!"
Mrs. Hawkins frowned and looked at the other boy. "Okay, let's hear your side of it."
He attempted to answer, but the knife that was lodged into his throat made speech difficult.
Shaking her head and sighing, Mrs. Hawkins said, "When that bell rings, you two shouldn't be in the halls. Now, get to class!"
Jason yanked his blade from the other boy's neck and angrily walked down the hall.

"I said 'go'!!" Mrs. Hawkins was furious that the boy was still lying down when she'd given a direct order.
Ignoring her, the boy closed his eyes, squirting blood from his wound defiantly.
"Get up now, or I'll..." With tears quickly forming, Mrs. Hawkins turned her head and walked away; she hadn't realized until then that she had no real authority.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

between sleepings

He lay there still, looking up into the darkness, watching the sounds and colors of the events and reasons that would hang in the air above him. Drifting close, pushing back... doing their little dance of pretending to matter. These just the fragments of a life, effortlessly bearing whatever ill will they could muster.

Finding some physical comfort in placing his hands behind his head, his comfort wouldn't breach the coarser realm; the images continued to taunt him. He tried to remember what it was to dream, he tried to remember what it was to forget... he had tried and tried for years up to now, and the years gave substance to those hovering thoughts. Knowing that he couldn't reach up to force a change, his hands remained where they were.

A few memories strangled their portions of his mind, and he looked up in a vain attempt to look away. The air shook as it gathered its strength, pulling the pieces together, pulling into one... and casting itself down on him, like hammer to anvil, he would be formed. Hope for sleep drifting further away, he could sense the words that formed with each blow... "there is no release."

Saturday, July 16, 2005

friday night

I was walking home from the bar when I noticed a young child giving his father a high-five on the sidewalk. Inspired by the spectacle, I thought, "Dear Jesus, thank you for killing Luther Vandros... I know that we've had our differences, and that you took your sweet-assed time in getting the job done, but eventually, you finally got off your ass and killed that fuckhole. Amen."

Jesus, I owe you one... well... you owed me a big favor already, so I guess we'll just call it even. No, no... stop being so anal about this shit... we're even.

Midway through my journey, a cab was parked at a red light, and suddenly decided to inch forward as I walked by. Just after that, I saw a man with a white dress-shirt unbuttoned, but a clip-on tie was clipped on to one side of the unbuttoned collar. I immediately thought, "WHAT THE FUCK?" and realized that Jesus was fucking with me. "Don't you renege, asshole... no fucking renegging on my watch!"

Anyway, I finally got to this bitch's house, when she was doing her thing, and mid-way through, she said, "Yo, Baby... don't turn that Vandros shit off!"
"This fucker's finally dead... why do we have to listen to him?"
"When I hear his music, it reminds me of the Brothas... yo dick aint shit... Luther somehow makes you feel bigger and Blacker inside me."

The first thing that I thought was, "Hey, Bitch... don't resolve my random posts with recurring symbolism." Fucking whore.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

doing homework

By the way she made eye contact with strangers for a solid second before abruptly breaking off, I could tell that she was friendly, but socially awkward. Mid-forties, by my estimation - skinny, pale, with dark brown hair. I was standing in the subway car, and she was sitting near me, marking up a printed document.

While placing the papers into her bag, she accidentally touched the man next to her with her elbow. In response to his instinctual glance, she said, "I was just doing my homework," and giggled slightly. The man offered a polite, but evasive laugh, and looked away soon after.

I couldn't help but chuckle, and following me shortly, others began to join in. An old man's roaring laughter caused the laughter of all others to escalate, until the subway car was filled with the noise. He could barely breathe as he said, "Doing homework... that's hilarious!"

Looking at the woman, I said, "You didn't make that up," but I didn't make enough of an effort to speak over the crowd.
Still giggling, she asked, "What?"
Before she could inhale, my hand was clamped onto her throat. Speaking into her ear, I repeated, "You didn't make that up, did you?"
Shocked and afraid, she replied, "Yes, it was just..."
My thumb, which was lodged under her jaw, pressed farther up under the bone.
She yelped and said, "... I... I must have seen it in a movie or something."

I was back in my standing position, and the woman was still direly confused, when the laughter began to die out. I think I noticed before she did that she'd pissed herself during our little conversation. I pointed a finger and began chuckling, and within seconds, the whole car was again filled with laughter.

Monday, July 11, 2005

through a child's eyes #13

William and Jason were playing with toy cars peacefully, when Jason's car went over an imaginary ramp and flew through the air.

Jason's mother rushed over to see why William was screaming. "Oh my god!! What happened?!"
"My car went over a ramp, and Willy got hit."
Grabbing Jason by the arm, she yelled, "Look what you did to him! Do you see where his face is smashed in?! That's not going to heal... he's going to be horribly disfigured for the rest of his life!!"
Being only three, Jason was too young to understand.
Jason's mother calmed down a little and made a stronger effort to explain. "Because of you, Willy is now a monster, and nobody will ever love him."
William's remaining eye widened as he heard those words.
Jason inquired, "So he can't come over anymore?"
"No, this house is for people, not monsters."
Angry with his mother for banishing William, Jason picked up his car and violently wiped the blood off of it.

A question burned so strongly in William's mind, that it momentarily overtook the pain. "Will my Mommy still love me?"
Jason's mother was overwhelmed with compassion. "No, Sweetie... not even her." She wanted to put her hand on William to make him feel better, but couldn't bear to touch the little freak.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

false hope

So easily locked into a role; through opportunity and sway, we become things we never imagined. All is not as it once was - all is only as it is.

We speak of things progressing, one form shifting to its next... we impart our hopes into these words, but what right do we have? Are we really spinning the wheel, or does it turn of its own accord? Who are we to say what the future brings - we've never been right in the past. Songs dry up in time... with them the energy to feel their loss.

Push forward, follow the path - but don't tell me that it leads anywhere. By now, we should know better.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

poetry submission

try to remember what this was supposed to be
-when I put myself here,
when I gave myself a reason
could it be that every day since was spent asking?
returning to that moment
a vague concept set forth with poor planning
given these hands and feet and mind
but held back from the meaning
the idea that triggered the event
a reason to begin and end
and to return to their cycle
given all but the eyes I need to put these hands to use
and day after day stands wasted

Monday, July 04, 2005

fourth of july

I had just finished my speech on the wonders of democracy. A little overwhelmed by the gratuitous applause, I made my way back to my seat.

Senator Jacobs congratulated me by putting a sweaty hand on my back, and pulled my chair out for me. I looked him in the eyes and said, "Jacobs." I think he took my meaning; he had to - there was no escaping it.

My girlfriend and the rest of the table smiled as I sat down. Clooney looked like he was about to speak, but this wasn't the time or place.... it wasn't then, and isn't now. Don't you ever forget that.

"What an inspiring speech, Rand." Hartford, you kiss-ass. "I especially liked the part about human rights being a privelege, not a right."
I looked down my nose at him. "Yes, my mother-in-law always says that when..."
"Oh, my god!" Hartford turned excitedly to my girlfriend, "You two got married?!"
Of course, my girlfriend started crying.
I slammed my glass down. "Do you really think I'd take my wife to this shim-sham?!" I'll bet you can't answer that one, can you, Hartford?

I heard my name called over the loud speaker. I put my face in my hands and said, "Oh god, here we go again," but God wasn't listening. Nobody ever does.

Friday, July 01, 2005

through a child's eyes #12

The woman sat behind her desk, watching Mr. Chambers as he looked longingly at the bowl of jellybeans. Fighting the urge to roll her eyes, she looked over at Jason. "So, young man... what brings you and your father to our school?"
Jason snarled. "He's not my dad."
Mr. Chambers began sifting through the top layer of jellybeans. "The boy shot his cousin; I was hired by the state to get him placed somewhere."
The woman's posture became more rigid. "We don't shoot people here. You're going to have to learn to resolve your conflicts in other ways."
Finding the situation uncomfortable, Jason reached for his gun.
"Give me that pistol, right now!" The woman was no fool.
Jason looked at Mr. Chambers for help, but he was occupied with the bowl. "Fine, here." Jason crossed his arms defiantly.

After locking the pistol up in her desk, the woman looked at Jason accusingly. "I won't tolerate firearms at my school."
"What if somebody pisses me off?!"
The woman leaned forward. "Have you ever tried talking to people?"
Jason didn't reply, but the look of frustration on his face gave him away.
"And if talking fails, there's always knifeplay." The woman pulled out a large knife and slid it across the desk to Jason.
"Knives?! Fuck that!" Despite his hatred of knives, he took the weapon in response to the woman's stern look.

The woman eyed Mr. Chambers fiercely. "Are you enjoying the jellybeans?"
Startled back into the conversation, Mr. Chambers answered with his mouth full. "Yeshh, shhank you."
"Does it bother you that he's eating all the red ones, Jason?" she said, continuing to watch Mr. Chambers dig through the bowl with his bare hands.
"Yeah!! I like the red ones!"
The woman nodded; everyone likes red jellybeans. "Why don't you stab him then?"
Barely listening, Mr. Chambers asked, "Whaa?"
Jason looked down at the knife, fighting the urge to kill him until he could reclaim his gun. "This knife crap is bullshit... I hate this school!!!"
"Well, if you're not going to stick him with that knife, you'd better ask him to stop."
It turned out that Jason had a fear of confrontation. After a long silence, he finally screamed out, "Stop eating all the fucking jellybeans, you fat retard!!!"
Suddenly embarrassed, Mr. Chambers removed his hand from the bowl, spilling jellybeans onto the table. "Ohh, I'm shhorry."
The woman leaned back in her chair and smiled at Mr. Chambers. "We'll accept Jason into our school."

Realizing that he'd have to go on without a gun, Jason was almost in tears.
As Mr. Chambers was picking stray jellybeans from the folds of his shirt, the woman leaned across the desk toward Jason. "Would you like to know a little secret?"
Jason nodded at her sadly.
"Big knives like that one are good for throwing." She slowly backed away from him, watching his face brighten with the realization of her words.
"Oh, fuck yeah... I'm going to slice the shit out of people!"
The woman smiled. "I think you'll fit in just fine around here."